Fives to Tweens

The ideas listed below are meant as ‘primers’ for fives to tweens. You will, no doubt, need to tailor some of the potential actions for the unique nature of the children you love, and for your particular relationship. You can find more ideas for fives to tweens, as well as for other ages and stages, in the ‘Ideas For All Ages’ section of Commitment Three and throughout the other Four Commitments.

Ideas for Action

As for all ages, hold as many fun, video-chats as possible. For fives to tweens, hold your regular sit-downs, including on school and home work, but mix things up with all things wacky, zany and fun – from games, puppet shows to dancing. Check out the ‘Ideas For All Ages’ section of Commitment Three.
Generally, aim for open conversations: ask questions, listen, be patient and give time for answers (which might only come three calls down the line. Being there is what matters, not the ‘perfect’ conversation). Be prepared for limited ‘deep’ interactions; but loads of off-the-wall, hilarious, unfettered honesty – so typical of this wonderful age group.
Look for opportunities to engage in ‘sidetalk’ (a technique to broach topics that might, otherwise, be difficult to discuss more directly). For example, virtual arts and crafts, virtual cooking (as below) or during homework games (also below).
Talk about stress management: you really can’t start this type of coaching too early in life. Recommend as many techniques as you can, for example: keeping a diary/journal; writing stories; meditation; yoga; deep breathing; creating artwork; sports and exercise; listening to music; and talking with friends and other family members. You could also suggest practicing some of the techniques together, while sharing how you deal with stress, and examples of what is currently stressing you out (in an age appropriate way – and without scaring the kids you love if you are on a military or other form of deployment): pick something easy, like being apart from them and/or not having time for your favourite mini series given all your work!
Establish a ‘book club’ and hold regular book reviews: read the same book while you’re away and then hold a special one-on-one book review, via video, or on the phone, as part of your very own ‘bookclub’. You could also extend the review through texts, with fun questions to test comprehension of the story. Promise a visit to the book store, and a nearby cafe, upon your return, for a special one-on-one meeting of your exclusive bookclub – and for you to buy the five to tween you love some additional books as a reward.
Get the fives to tweens you love to read you something: this is a great way to help with homework and to share a story, which you can later discuss. Its also a lovely way to talk about values, beliefs, right and wrong, and life strategies for dealing with conflict and difficult situations.
Take turns reading to one another: Pick a good book, buy the five to tween you love a copy, and take turns reading to one another: either day by day, or chapter by chapter. This might well become a wonderful tradition, which will accompany you both into your twilight years.
Hold ‘homework games’: make a game for any subject the children you love are currently learning at school. Think up some fun questions, promise a prize (nothing extravagant – a book or 50c per game) and either hold a special game night, or make it into a game that spans a week, with one question per day, via text. You can also suggest some fun apps, which you could both download to your respective devices and play together.
Try some two player, non-violent, games over the internet, such as those offered by PlayStation4. Buy this item on Amazon. Enough of all that reading, its now time for some cyber-activity! Try a racing, sports and/or an adventure game.
Try virtual cooking together: teach the five to tween you love, how to cook something you love. Bring the two together! ‘Cook’ can simply mean ‘prepare’, such as in how to prepare your favourite sandwich, snack or treat. Buy this sugar free snack and treats cookbook on Amazon.
Leave a mommy/daddy doll behind. Visit daddydolls.com for more (note: ConnectedApart/its founder is neither affiliated with daddydolls.com nor receiving a reimbursement for this referral).
Think about items 13 to 19 listed under ‘The Head’, Commitment Two, Prepare (listed again below for your convenience):
- Add a picture of you and the kid/s you love to his/her/their bedside. You can leave pictures in frames behind, which are easy for the children you love to carry around, and/or leave small passport photos, which they can add to the inside of their lunchboxes, to their wallets or purses, or simply in their school bag.
- Create a ‘coffee-table’ photo book, which includes lots of photos of you, the children you love, and the immediate family (it won’t stay put on the coffee table for long!). For some great ideas, check out snapfish.com (note: ConnectedApart/its founder is neither affiliated with snapfish com nor receiving a reimbursement for this referral).
- Create a virtual folder of photos, which includes lots of photos of you, the children you love, and the immediate family, and add it to the home computer, tablets, and/or the home hotline.
- Create a virtual folder of videos with special messages to the children you love. Include video messages for day-to-day ups and downs, for special occasions, and to mark major milestones in your time apart if for a long duration. Include videos of you reading books and/or singing their favourite songs, and doing regular things with them.
- Make recordings (voice or video) of you reading their favourite stories.
- Make a recording for bedtime – a message, a song, or a special story – which the children you love can play before they go to sleep. Listening to this message every night before bed could become a fun routine while your away.
- Make some playlists to leave behind: one including your own favourite music, and one including music that both you and the children you love enjoy.

Featured image by Tim Gouw on Unsplash