The Three Stages of Being Apart

It’s stating the obvious, but being apart starts and ends somewhere. For ConnectedApart,  ‘being apart’ starts when you learn about the need to be apart and ends after both you and the children you love feel sufficiently reconnected, following your physical return: being apart is not, therefore, the same as ‘being away’.

ConnectedApart and its unique APART model view being apart as a journey of three stages: ‘Leaving’, ‘Away’ and ‘Returning’. So, in considering how to strengthen and maintain loving connections with the children you love while apart, you’ll need to think about what to do before you leave, while you’re away, and after you return. One of the ‘secrets’ to healthy loving connections with the children you love while apart, comes from taking this bigger picture approach to ‘being apart’.

From the moment you start thinking about your period apart, to the moment you close the chapter, you will, in some way, be apart. Being apart is a series of transitions – a journey of changes, through different seasons of the heart, one in which you will fade out from and into the lives of the children you love – starting before you leave and ending after you return.

Each stage of being apart contains one or more of the five commitments:

  • ‘Leaving’ starts when you learn about your specific circumstances for being apart and focuses on getting ready for the ‘Away’ stage. This stage includes the ‘Anchor’ and ‘Prepare’ commitments;
  • ‘Away’ starts at the moment you physically leave the children you love and focuses on how to stay connected, how you’re going, and on getting ready for your return. This stage includes the ‘Availability (and Fun)’ and ‘Reflect’ commitments; and
  • ‘Returning’ starts at the point you physically return to the children you love, ends when you all feel sufficiently reconnected and includes the often overlooked ‘Transition’ stage. For those whose being apart is cyclical, this final stage of being apart can present additional challenges, as it often blends into the first stage of being apart, i.e. Leaving.