Ideas For All Ages

The ideas listed below are meant as ‘primers’ for all ages and stages. You will, no doubt, need to tailor some of the potential actions for different ages, for the unique nature of the children you love and, of course, for your particular relationship. You can find more ideas for all ages and stages throughout the other Four Commitments.

A lot of the ideas below require a tablet of some form, preferably with the largest screen possible (so the children you love can see more of you, literally!).

Ideas For Action

A. Calling

  1. Make a call: Call the children you love as often as you can by video, either via a ‘hotline’ as suggested in Commitment Two, the caregiver/s’ phone, tablet or computer, or directly, if they have their own phone, tablet or computer (and you have the permission of their caregiver). If you’d like to purchase an iPad for the children you love, to set up a ‘hotline’ as suggested in Commitment Two. Some helpful tips for calls include:Try to agree, with both the children you love and the caregiver/s left behind, a specific time/s to call. Perhaps over breakfast or during dinner on weekdays, at bedtimes and/or at the start of the day on weekends. Not only is this a helpful thing to do (in both the home of the children you love and in your own life) for logistical reasons, but it also gives the children you love some predictability, and avoids their having to chase you to reach you (which in turn will damage your connection, and might leave the children you love feeling insecure).
    • Remain available, at all times, but take charge of the relationship, and let the children you love know that you will call them, at a time that’s convenient for everyone involved, and that they can depend – and plan – on it. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you still can’t be spontaneous (no need to schedule every call with the children you love – its not the United Nations General Assembly)!
  3. Its ideal to use video for calls to call the children you love when you’re apart, but don’t let the feasibility of this interfere with the call itself. If it’s not possible to make a video call, just revert to the phone. Its better to hear your voice, than not to hear from you at all.
  4. Assume responsibility for keeping the conversation going. You will want the attention of the children you love, but they will need yours. So, think of conversation primers and be prepared for some hard work. Sometimes, things might feel strained; sometimes, the call will come easy. At other times, you might be the only one doing the talking, whereas at sometimes, you might not be able to get a word in edgewise. Every call will be different – because you all come to them from different places, literally and emotionally. But you, as the adult, should always aim to serve as the facilitator. Go to each call anchored – and prepared with some conversations starters. Don’t force things though. Its also ok to finish a call earlier than expected and to try again next time.
  5. Don’t be afraid to express your love openly over what might feel like an impersonal medium. There’s never a better time than right now to tell the children you love how you feel. After a while, with some effort, the medium (whatever it is you’re using – letter, text, email, phone, video call, etc) will feel less impersonal – and you’ll come to value it for the incredible opportunity that it presents to connect with the children you love, in so many meaningful ways.
  6. Share your feelings about being apart. Be honest. Tell them it hurts and that you miss them. Give them the chance to share their feelings – allowing them to ‘pass’ if they don’t feel like. Keep modelling the incredibly healthy example of sharing your feelings in a warm, open and constructive manner and, sooner or later, they might start sharing theirs too. Being apart can grow into a strangely cathartic experience for the children you love sometimes.
  7. If there’s more than one child you love in the same household, try to structure – and alternate – turn taking at call time. It limits competition for your attention, and hence unnecessary stress and allows you to better focus on each child – and their specific needs – individually.
  8. Remember, one of the greatest causes of stress in life is unrealized expectations. To truly maintain and strengthen healthy loving connections with the children you love when you’re apart, you need to meet the commitments you make. If you need to miss a call, given problems wherever you are, or simply forget (yes, it happens to us all), text an apology to the children you love, or the caregiver left behind, and tell them when next you’ll be in touch. When you do finally reconnect, start off with an apology to the children love, and an explanation. They’re people too. Model the behaviour you’d hope to see in your own life. Finally, do your best not to let it become a habit. Remember, the children you love need to feel that you’re available. If you’re always missing calls, they won’t – and your connection (excuse the pun) will suffer.
  9. Take the children you love on a video-tour of your immediate surroundings. Maybe it’s the ‘container’ (for those of you on long-term deployments with the United Nations), your bunkroom, your hotel room or your home. Let them get a feel for where you are, as best you can. A picture paints a thousand words. A video-tour paints even more: they can even ease nerves and anxieties of the children you love, who like to have a visual image of where you are and to know that you’re safe and sound.
  10. Take the children you love on a video-tour of your local area, or further afield if it’s possible, safe and won’t frighten them (e.g. if you’re on a long term deployment with the armed forces). Make it an educational experience, as much as a fun one. Walk the neighbourhood, take them to a local park, take them on a taxi ride around the block or to a local landmark.

B. Sending

  1. Send text messages and/or pictures to the children you love, via the home ‘hotline’, the caregiver/s’ phone, tablet or computer, or to them directly, if they have their own phone, tablet or computer.
  2. Send the children you love letters, postcards or cards. Make your postcards an educational experience, with interesting facts about where you are.
  3. Take one of their favourite toys with you and take pictures of it in different places on your travels or in your day-to-day life. Send the pictures electronically or in hard-copy format (add them to the blank postcards noted above).
  4. Every now and then, send the children you love a care package. An old-fashioned ‘care package’ goes a long way, including a few small trinkets, photos, some cookies and a hand written letter. Alternatively, you could simply send a small gift through Amazon.com. Try to include gifts that are educational in nature, for example age appropriate books about the kind of work you do, the place you are  visiting/working/living (including current or historic facts), on the difficulties of being apart, about feelings and/or related to something they are learning at school.
  5. Take the number for the children you love’s favourite delivery service and, every now and then, in coordination with the caregiver/s left behind, send the children you love a surprise meal. If you can, call them to share in the taste-bud extravaganza! (virtually of course :-))
  6. Send video messages to the children you love, via the home ‘hotline’, the caregiver/s’ phone, tablet or computer, or directly, if they have their own phone, tablet or computer. This is a particularly useful strategy if, for whatever reason, you can’t call on a particular day, or at a particular time. Just prerecord a message and send it in advance.
  7. Keep a shared online photo folder (for example those offered in iPhotos on an apple device), a website, a group page on Facebook, etc, or make and send a hard copy photo album. Ask the children you love, or their caregiver/s, to do the same, and to keep the shared online album updated. Ideally, link the online album to the hotline, established in commitment two. Try Snapfish for physical albums.
  8. Try sending a sweet ‘wake-up’ message once in a while, so the children you love can start the day with a warm welcome from you. You can also ask them to send something to you, so that you can start your day on an equally inspiring foot.
  9. Encourage the children you love to send you an ‘away package’, full of things that they are proud of: a piece of work from school; a drawing; a short story; a photo; one of their favourite sweets; a favourite toy. Promise to reciprocate.
  10. Share a hobby. Do you like chess? Play a game long distance – over a week, or even a month. Do the children you love like stamps? Perfect! Send them some from wherever you are. Do they like Pokemon, or other trading cards? Send them a few every now and then! Find a hobby that you can both enjoy together, and which keeps you in their mind, while also strengthening your loving connection.

C. Learning

  1. Check in on homework: make sure, during your interactions, to supplement fun times with session on schoolwork, extracurricular activities and homework (not that this shouldn’t be fun too!). Offer to help with homework remotely, ask to see something that the child you love is doing in class – for example in terms of reading, writing, science, maths – and ask for a special demonstration of their favourite sport. You could make school work questions part of every call and/or schedule a special session once a week, to work on a particular subject/activity.
  2. Start up ‘Problem Solving Central’: In addition to checking in on homework, hold a special session on problem solving: use child/age-friendly examples from your life and invite the children you love to share problems from their lives too. Its a nice way for you to connect with the real day-to-day challenges of the kid/s you love, and to teach problem solving skills at the same time.
  3. Read books to the children you love – either take them with you, download one via amazon, or use an online service such as Levar Burton Kids’ Skybrary (just pick a book and hold the screen of one device up to the webcam of another) or something like readeo (with its ‘bookchat’ feature).
  4. Ask the child/caregiver/s to install a particular educational app on their/the family’s tablet/iPad/computer, which you can play together. Then spend some time together with the kid you love, via video chat, while s/he plays the app, or play the game together.
  5. Ask the school of the children you love whether they use, or would consider using, Seesaw. Its a great app to stay connected with what, and how, they are doing at school.

D. Playing

  1. Take some time to play porta (as in ‘portable’)-(insert the name of your relationship), e.g. porta-daddy, porta-mamma, porta-grandad, etc: Simply agree (with the children you love and their caregiver/s) on a time to call and make a video call to their internet enabled device. Encourage the children you love to carry ‘you’ around, to explore whatever it is that’s important to them on that particular day. They might take you outside to smell the roses, into their room to play, to the couch to read a favorite book, or to their desk for help with their homework. Let them call the shots, let it be spontaneous, surrender to their creativity, and immerse yourself in their world. It can be an incredibly empowering experience for them, where they feel ‘in charge’ of the relationship, and a fun experience for all (never before have they had a portable you!). Check out some more details in one of ConnectedApart’s earlier posts on this subject.
  2. Make a ‘where in the world is (insert the name of your relationship)’ quiz about where you are: You might not find the place exciting – and if you’re on a business trip, its probably not, just a dull string of taxi cabs, hotel rooms and meetings. But rest assured, wherever you are, the children you love will find the place exciting – because, ultimately, it’s all about you, not the location. Depending on the age of the children you love, you could send them questions in advance, and have them research answers – you’ll probably even learn a few new things! You could play the quiz at a pre-agreed time online, via a video call for example, or over a few days or weeks, via text message. One question a day, or even one every few days, with make your connection stronger.
  3. Hold a long-distance treasure hunt: Before you leave – or, if you forget, just ask the caregiver/s in charge – hide a few presents around the home of the children you love (one for each game you intend to hold). You can either play the game in real time, via phone or video-call, or you could play the game by text, sending clues to the children you love, until they find the prize.
  4. Set up a video-call dance party: Pick you favourite play list, throw off your shoes and get ready to boogy. Sure, you might feel embarrassed, dancing around in your house, hotel room, barracks, or container on your own, in front of a screen – but when the children start screaming in delight, or teasing you about how foolish you look (in between trying to hide their laughter), you’ll know how worthwhile the effort is. Aside from getting a good workout, you’ll possibly all laugh your heads off, which in turn will give you all a boost for days to come.
  5. Set up a video-chat puppet show: take some puppets with you, wherever you go, and bring them into your calls. You can make an elaborate show, or simply use them to talk through the process of being apart, or anything else you think the children you love might need help processing. You can also use them as simply silly props, to get a laugh every now and then, as they explode onto screen unannounced and do something crrrrraaaazy – as puppets often do!
  6. Invent (insert the name of your relationship)-TV, e.g. daddy-TV: for those of you apart for longer periods, consider starting your own production company: (insert the name of your relationship)-TV. Set a time to connect, perhaps every Saturday morning, set the length of the show, pick your activities (for example, many of those shared on ConnectedApart), and act out the part. For younger children, you could jam pack the experience with a book, a puppet show (role playing your own experience apart), some dancing, and even some yoga. For the older children, you could start with a ‘show’ about where you are, read a chapter of a shared novel, and finish with a cooking lesson). Check out some more details in one of ConnectedApart’s earlier posts on this subject.
  7. Ask the children you love to keep track of where you are on a map: You could turn this into a rich and wonderful educational experience, with a fun description (via email, text or in person) about the place your visiting, including history, current events and even the weather. Then test the children, with the promise of a small inexpensive prize (for example, a kitkat), with some simple questions – through in something to make them laugh!
  8. Ask the children you love to prepare a special project (a drawing, something made from playdoh, some craft, etc) for you while you’re away – and when you return, you could plan a special outing related to the project. For example, you might ask them to prepare a project about animals (or their favourite animal) and then, upon return, take them to a nearby farm, or even a zoo. Just remember, upon your return, dedicate quality time to appreciating, and complementing, their wonderful creations.
Featured Image by Patricia Prudente on Unsplash.