Top Ten ‘Calling Ideas’ to Stay Connected When Apart.

Its the most obvious way to connect with the children you love when you’re apart. But don’t let it become the most monotonous. Spice things up in your regular calling routine, with these simple ideas, and stay connected – and deepen the connection – with the children you love when you’re apart.

1. Call the children you love as often as you can by video, either via a ‘hotline’ (see next week’s post), the caregiver/s’ phone, tablet or computer, or directly, if they have their own phone, tablet or computer (and you have the permission of their caregiver). If you’d like to purchase an iPad for the children you love, to set up a ‘hotline’, visit Amazon to purchase this item.
2. Try to agree, with both the children you love and the caregiver/s left behind, a specific time/s to call. Perhaps over breakfast or during dinner on weekdays, at bedtimes and/or at the start of the day on weekends. Not only is this a helpful thing to do (in both the home of the children you love and in your own life) for logistical reasons, but it also gives the children you love some predictability, and avoids their having to chase you to reach you (which in turn will damage your connection, and might leave the children you love feeling insecure).
3. Its ideal to use video for calls to call the children you love when you’re apart, but don’t let the feasibility of this interfere with the call itself. If it’s not possible to make a video call, just revert to the phone. Its better to hear your voice, than not to hear from you at all.
4. Assume responsibility for keeping the conversation going. You will want the attention of the children you love, but they will need yours. So, think of conversation primers and be prepared for some hard work. Sometimes, things might feel strained; sometimes, the call will come easy. At other times, you might be the only one doing the talking, whereas at sometimes, you might not be able to get a word in edgewise. Every call will be different – because you all come to them from different places, literally and emotionally. But you, as the adult, should always aim to serve as the facilitator. Go to each call anchored – and prepared with some conversations starters. Don’t force things though. Its also ok to finish a call earlier than expected and to try again next time.
5. Don’t be afraid to express your love openly over what might feel like an impersonal medium. There’s never a better time than right now to tell the children you love how you feel. After a while, with some effort, the medium (whatever it is you’re using – letter, text, email, phone, video call, etc) will feel less impersonal – and you’ll come to value it for the incredible opportunity that it presents to connect with the children you love, in so many meaningful ways.
6. Share your feelings about being apart. Be honest. Tell them it hurts and that you miss them. Give them the chance to share their feelings – allowing them to ‘pass’ if they don’t feel like. Keep modelling the incredibly healthy example of sharing your feelings in a warm, open and constructive manner and, sooner or later, they might start sharing theirs too. Being apart can grow into a strangely cathartic experience for the children you love sometimes.
7. If there’s more than one child you love in the same household, try to structure – and alternate – turn taking at call time. It limits competition for your attention, and hence unnecessary stress and allows you to better focus on each child – and their specific needs – individually.
8. Remember, one of the greatest causes of stress in life is unrealized expectations. To truly maintain and strengthen healthy loving connections with the children you love when you’re apart, you need to meet the commitments you make. If you need to miss a call, given problems wherever you are, or simply forget (yes, it happens to us all), text an apology to the children you love, or the caregiver left behind, and tell them when next you’ll be in touch. When you do finally reconnect, start off with an apology to the children love, and an explanation. They’re people too. Model the behaviour you’d hope to see in your own life. Finally, do your best not to let it become a habit. Remember, the children you love need to feel that you’re available. If you’re always missing calls, they won’t – and your connection (excuse the pun) will suffer.
9. Take the children you love on a video-tour of your immediate surroundings. Maybe it’s the ‘container’ (for those of you on long-term deployments with the United Nations), your bunkroom, your hotel room or your home. Let them get a feel for where you are, as best you can. A picture paints a thousand words. A video-tour paints even more: they can even ease nerves and anxieties of the children you love, who like to have a visual image of where you are and to know that you’re safe and sound.
10. Take the children you love on a video-tour of your local area, or further afield if it’s possible, safe and won’t frighten them (e.g. if you’re on a long term deployment with the armed forces). Make it an educational experience, as much as a fun one. Walk the neighbourhood, take them to a local park, take them on a taxi ride around the block or to a local landmark.

Find some more free ideas on this and other topics under ‘Commitment Three‘ at ConnectedApart.

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