Secrets revealed: stay cool to stay connected with these simple ideas.

Being apart is an emotional rollercoaster for the children you love, for the caregiver/s left behind and, often exacerbated by these facts, for you.

As such, you’ve got to find a way to keep yourself together. This is one of the most important things that you can do to make the experience of being apart a positive one for all.

Easier said than done, right? Sure, keeping your cool won’t be easy, and at times you’ll crack under pressure. You’re only human! This is why ConnectedApart and it’s unique APART model doesn’t encourage you to be an emotionless rock, or some constantly tranquil Zen master.

Rather, ConnectedApart recognizes that we all have emotions and encourages you to manage them in such a way as to foster healthy, loving connections between you and the children you love, and your broader family, while you’re apart.

But how? Aha! That’s the secret of the first of APART’s five commitments, ‘Anchor’. Read on to get four simple ideas and visit ConnectedApart’s dedicated page on Anchoring for more.

1. Get clear on your vision for being apart: great athletes envision themselves winning; successful private sector corporations adopt a clear picture of success. If its worth making a vision for the olympics, or for profit, its surely worth making one for your time apart from the children you love. So, close your eyes and picture success in each of the three stages of being apart: Leaving, Away and Returning. Once you’re clear on the vision for each stage, write it down, in clear and simple terms. Then put it somewhere safe; you’ll need it in Commitment Two, Prepare. Stay tuned for more ideas on Preparing, next week!
2. Identify one (or a few) practical, healthy, stress management techniques, which you can do with little preparation and, preferably, in your immediate location: for example, in your hotel room if you’re travelling on business; in your bunk-room or ‘container’ if you’re deployed on a long ‘tour of duty’ with a national defence force or a long-term ‘mission’ with an international organization (for example with the United Nations); or in your living room at home, if you live apart from the children you love.
3. Start a ten-minute stress management routine: using one or many of the ideas listed under item two above at ConnectedApart.com, before you leave the children you love. It will serve as an anchoring routine, when the stormy waters come. Involve the children you love and try to help them find a few techniques, which might work for them. At the very least, you will model one of the most important life skills of all, which is seldom the focus of dedicated courses in primary, secondary and/or tertiary institutions: stress management’.
4. Leverage your network, as well as the ConnectedApart community: talk to others who have been/are currently apart from the children they love. As this article from the American Psychological Association attests, a problem shared, is truly a problem halved.

Related References

• Biringen, Z., Seng, S. and Altenhofen, S. (2005). Babies, toddlers, and coping with military deployments: Ensuring emotional security and remaining emotionally available. Colorado State University
• Cohen, S. A., Gössling, S. (2015). A darker side of hypermobility. Environment and Planning A, 47.
• Flake E. M., Davis B. E., Johnson P. L., Middleton L. S. (2010). The psychological effects of deployment on military children. Journal of Behavioral and Developmental Pediatrics. 30 (4): 271 – 278
• Gustafson, P. (2006). Work-related travel, gender and family obligations. Work, Employment and Society, 20 (3), 513 – 530.
• Striker, J., Luippold, R., Nagy, L., et al. (1999). Risk factors for psychological stress among international business travellers. Occupational and Environmental Medicine, 56: 245 – 52.